He Can Use You

Going in to this semester I had a feeling that I would be asked to speak in sacrament meeting at some point. Not like one of those, “I really don’t want to have to speak so I know that’s exactly what’s going to happen” feelings, because I’m one of the people that actually really enjoys preparing and giving talks. Instead, it was the type of feeling that you can’t quite explain. It’s one of those things that you know through your heart instead of your mind. And I even knew which member of the bishopric would be asking me, too. Because of that, I was prepared! Rather than being caught off guard, I was basically already nodding and saying yes as he approached me two weeks ago to ask…looking back, he probably thought I was nuts! I had to wait a few days after I was asked before I found out what my assigned topic was, but even before I was told, thoughts and ideas came to me that I felt needed to be shared. I didn’t want to forget them, so I created a note in my phone and figured I could just look back through it later on and decide if any of it was worth using.

What I didn't expect was that those impressions ended up forming the backbone of my talk. They guided me as I studied and prepared throughout the next week and a half. They took my words in a different direction than I would have ever thought to take them on my own.

My assigned topic was Elder Neil L. Andersen’s remarks from the October 2016 general conference, and when I first read through it I had no clue where I was going to go with it. For whatever reason it didn’t feel right to me. It didn’t feel like the topic I was expecting…does that even make sense? I swear I don’t think in the same way that most people do. Regardless, I was confused. I read through Elder Andersen’s talk and highlighted a few things that stood out to me, but I wasn’t sure how I was going to build off of it. I had no plan or direction!

Now, I definitely feel like I struggle when I’m seeking answers or guidance for myself. Maybe that’s because it’s hard for me to discern between what I want to hear and what God is actually telling me. But if I’ve learned one thing, it’s that God will always let me know what others need to hear when I’m put in a position to speak to them – if I’m willing to reach out to him.

So I gathered up a pen and some paper, staked out my territory on the couch, grabbed my trusty Diet Coke and blankie, and opened back up to “A Witness of God” by Elder Andersen. Then I turned it over to God. I prayed that the words would come to me, and I prayed that I would be able to say the things that the people in attendance would need to hear. I prayed that I would be able to make a connection to the message, and I prayed that I would be able to share the message that he needed to be spoken. Then I started writing…and I kept on writing…and I continued writing for so long that I was able to say good morning to my roommate before she left to work out (and then I felt a little guilty as I realized she was going to go run while I was well on my way to earning the title of Queen Couch Potato). And then I slept – but not before I’d written the entire thing. There were still plenty of finishing touches and planning, organizing, and practicing to be done…but the bulk of it was out of the way. And I’d used all of my notes except for one, which I was totally content with. Then in my final preparations I felt like even that one thought couldn't be left out and needed to be tacked on to the very end – right after my testimony. And on top of that I felt that I needed to write it out word for word on the back of my outline just in case anyone asked to take a picture of it.

I spent my whole Sunday morning reading through what I had prepared and trying to commit the words to memory. I was a little more uneasy and anxious than I normally am before speaking, and I could feel myself shaking as I stood at the pulpit. Luckily I managed to at least get the words out, but when I finished I felt completely defeated and embarrassed. I couldn’t remember anything I’d said, and it seemed like I’d rushed and stumbled through the entire thing. I started kind of beating myself up for not writing my outline earlier and for not rehearsing more and for failing at this chance that I was given. But the remarks, compliments, thanks, and encouragement I heard throughout the rest of the day more than made up for all of the judgments I was casting upon myself.

Satan tried to steal that good thing from me, but God sent angels to let me know I’d done what he asked of me. And while I’m sure my delivery and execution were far from perfect, God doesn’t ask for perfect. He asks for effort. He asks for a willing and open heart. And if you’ll give him those things, then he can use you to spread his love and to accomplish his work.

And get this – after relief society, the girl sitting in front of me turned around to ask if she could take a picture of the final remarks from my talk.

(Stay tuned to actually read the talk…that’s coming next!)