I used to think I understood prayer.
I’ve had lessons on it since before I was old enough to
walk, and I still have frequent lessons about it now in college. But somehow
through all of it, I didn’t quite take away what I was supposed to. My head
heard the words, but my heart didn’t fully comprehend.
In Doctrine & Covenants 10:5 as well as in many other
verses spread all throughout the scriptures, we’re directed to “pray always.” A
pattern of prayer connects you to Heavenly Father and gives you power over
Satan. But like I said, we’re supposed to seek that power always. Not just when life becomes too much and we’ve realized
we’re weak. But until a week ago (or maybe closer to two now) I wasn’t applying
those lessons and concepts to myself and to my life in the right way.
Because of the way I
took it, I often felt guilty praying in the midst of my confusion and suffering.
Through the various times of inconsistent to almost non-existent prayer in my
life, I didn’t feel worthy of His support and guidance through my trials. I
told myself on more than one occasion that since I wasn’t praying when life was
good, I didn’t deserve His love and support when it wasn’t good. I didn’t want
to use God. So my habits of pleading
and prayer were often short-lived. I prayed occasionally, but didn’t want to
form a habit of prayer out of my selfish needs. In my mind, that was the
equivalent of the foolish man building his house on a foundation of sand. But
then I came across a verse in Luke that says that in his agony, Christ prayed more
earnestly. (Luke 22:44) And suddenly my heart understood too.
It’s okay if your trials are what bring you to your knees.
Our trials remind us of just how desperately we need God in
our lives. They unveil the weaknesses we’ve been trying so hard to hide from,
and they present opportunities for us to recommit ourselves to Him. There
should be no guilt in turning back toward God, and there should be no fear
either. No matter your reason for returning, or the detours you’ve taken along
the path, He’s waiting with outstretched arms. He loves you with a love that is
beyond the power of words, and he has never forgotten you.
It’s okay if your
trials are what bring you to your knees.
